Updated: Jan 19, 2021
What DOES this actually mean?
Who else has experienced lightning speed growth-shedding and awareness of past co-dependent patterns of behavior?
Ay Ay Ay.....
What a beautiful and painful month it has been....I am not the same person I was a month ago....heck, I'm not the same person I was 24 hours ago.
What does it mean to trust yourself?
We hear the mantra 'trust yourself' in different ways and perhaps see it on several trendy t-shirts.
But what does it mean though to actually TUNE IN and TRUST THYSELF?
I can share what it means for me and if any part resonates for you then I hope that you can take it and integrate it into your life for yourself.
I recently had a situation with a friend of mine that has ended in hurt feelings and misunderstandings. It was never my intention to hurt anyone....anyone that knows me knows that to be true.
I know that to be true.
However, me not recognizing my truth and using my voice in the time that it revealed itself to me caused discord in our relationship. The thing is, I didn't see the subtle ways that it was revealing itself to me until recently. I didn't recognize it for what it was....my truth that needed my voice.
Looking back now, I see more clearly but at the time I still hadn't learned how to really sink in, tune in and respond from my inner knowing.
You see, what I learned from a very young age was not to trust my inner knowing....often times I was ridiculed and shamed for speaking my beliefs, thoughts and ideas. Over time I learned that to be accepted, I had to shut down my feelings, ideas and ultimately my truth.
We learn to do what we do to survive, especially at a young age and in the tribal/family unit.
I didn't learn and I wasn't shown how to hold space for myself in the way that would allow me to be me without being attached to how the other person would react.
This is co-dependency at the core.
Over these past few months I've had several opportunities to lean into myself in a deeper and more profound way....I've learned how to hold space for myself, to trust myself so that I can express myself. I'm still learning and life continues to support me in giving me more opportunities! Life is good at that! Ha!
HOW I KNOW WHEN SOMETHING IS NOT CORRECT FOR ME
I've learned that when I tune into myself, when I listen deep within myself and allow for the stillness....there is a feeling, a knowing that something isn't correct for me....it's not that it's bad....it's just not correct for me in that time. Another clue that I've noticed is that I will try to rationalize in my mind that it's OK vs. tuning into the feeling and place within my body that is speaking to me. I have noticed also that I would wait for the other person to hopefully say what I had been feeling because then I didn't have to own myself fully....because I didn't know how to fully own myself.
As I look back over my life, I see so many ways that I ignored my truth; my former marriage, jobs, friendships, projects, environments. I see so many ways that I have not lived authentically and chose fear because I was still in survival mode from when I was a kid.
I had not learned to change the story....until now.
This recent situation that I am in with my friend has given me the awareness within myself to recognize now what I was not able to recognize before. It has given me the confidence to trust in myself in a way that I have never known and felt before. What I've learned is that by not listening, by not tuning into our truth and speaking from that space we actually do more damage. The last thing I desire to do is to hurt another....but by having an unhealthy attachment to my fear of what the other person was going to think, do or say I actually was betraying myself and the other person.
What I was really avoiding all these years was myself.
This is where we begin again, where we learn to parent ourselves in the most compassionate and nurturing way that we can. It is up to each one of us to tune in and trust ourselves. It is the only way to live authentically with ourselves and with the other.
STANDING for TRUTH in my VOICE