Updated: Jan 18
"Your Body is a Museum of Natural Disasters -
Can you Grasp How Stunning That Is? "
Humans are emotional and complex creatures.
To be human is to be a miracle.
I have to still catch myself some days when I wish that I didn’t have these natural disasters within me.
I remember about 15 years ago after my second baby was born and having a really tough time with how I was feeling.
We had just moved 1/2 way across the country and I had two babies less than a year apart, had just sold our house in Seattle, bought a house sight unseen (only pics online) in South Dakota, sold my business that I had in Seattle all while having an almost 1 year old and having my 2nd baby!
2005 was a whirlwind to say the least.
I remember thinking something was wrong with me because I would just start crying for apparently no reason. I would get so incredibly emotional and my mind would try to figure out WHY. I had a hard time being present with myself and just knowing that it was OK, I was OK....and giving myself a time of integration that I desperately needed but didn’t know I needed.
I ended up going on a med for depression thinking that would be the answer. It was the answer for a few months....until I remember one day watching a few commercials and shows and being so emotionally numb to what I was witnessing. I remember TRYING to feel something and I couldn’t.
I knew that this was not what I wanted....I wanted to FEEL, I just didn’t trust my emotions at the time and know how to navigate and work with them.
I was on this med for only 6-8 months and I decided to go off it....cold turkey.
I knew that it wasn’t normal not feeling anything....and I didn’t like that.
The capacity to FEEL all of our FEELS is what makes us human.
Yes, it causes crazy shit to happen....rage, violence and horrible acts of violence.....AND it also causes crazy acts of LOVE and compassion and connection.
If we try to rid ourselves of the ‘negative’ we forgoe it all....we then forgoe our soul and what drives us to help the widow and the homeless and the people that are in need. We forgoe our soul.
When we numb ourselves to some of it we numb ourselves to all of it.
I wonder what it could be like if we all took the most courageous step forward for humanity and said ‘I’m risking it all....to FEEL fully and to embrace my humanness.
I wonder what kind of world we could create from that space?
I believe in a world where life isn’t a battleground, it’s a playground of possibility and it’s in that space where self sabotage is transmuted into self mastery.