We aren't taught or shown how to feel our own pain and fears....and therefore, as adults we unconsciously project them onto others when we aren't getting what we want and make it their responsibility to 'fix' it. We also self soothe with food, alcohol, drugs, work, any distraction from the pain and fear that we do not want to FEEL.
When we were little, our parents or caregivers would usually run to our rescue with something that could take the pain away.....whether it's a treat of some sort, the bottle or boob as an infant, or a magical band-aid, etc. Whatever it was....the idea of allowing children to FEEL pain is too painful for most to be a witness too.
We try to soothe others when we see them in pain, we feel sorry for them, or we tell them that 'everything is fine and try to stop the tears, and pain from flowing out of them....we try to 'fix' it.
When we aren't comfortable with our own fear and pain, we cannot truly hold space for another to experience theirs.
I remember a time in my life where everything was changing for me...everything. I was facing a whole new life without a life partner, and with a bigger house payment than I had ever had before and I was on my own with my 3 children.
One day I was on a walk with my dog and I felt a lot of anxiety and fear come up within me....so I decided instead of trying to push it aside....I entertained it.
I had a conversation with my fear that day and it changed my life. I decided to dig into the fear and see what it wanted to communicate with me. It was telling me things like:
Fear: 'What if you don't have enough money to pay your rent?'
Me: 'What if I don't? What's the worst that can happen?'
Fear: 'You will be out on the streets with your kids, homeless'
Me: 'Hmm....I can feel into that and I have other options other than that....that seems to be pretty drastic. I have family and friends that I could call, and I could sell everything I own and move to Mexico with my kids.....it's pretty inexpensive there and with what I know I can make I could get a place there and live a pretty simple life.'
I don't remember the exact conversation I had with my fears that day, but what I do remember is that I entertained and listened to what fear was trying to tell me on EVERY level.
I went to every possible 'worst case scenario' and entertained it...AND
FROM that place, I was able to decide what I wanted to do....and in that space I decided to market a program to people that I had created that could help women choose and come home to themselves.
It was one of the most empowering decisions that I made and I took MASSIVE ACTION on making it a reality.
My fears communicated to me what could happen.....and I listened and accepted that as a possibility.....and I chose to create my own reality by believing that there were other possibilities other than what fear wanted to communicate.
I learned that I had to first accept the 'worst case scenario' that was being presented as an option.
I have learned about what I value by listening to my fears, I have learned about myself in such a deep and intimate way by listening to my fears, and by entertaining ALL of them I was able to consciously CHOOSE for myself what I wanted.
We are living in a time where most of us are feeling some level of fear....and it's NORMAL....we've been taught from a very young age to not FEEL our fear and pain. We try to numb it because we are, at some level afraid of our fears and we run from our pain. When we are afraid of our fears, they are secretly running the show.....and that's all we can focus on - even when we don't want to - it's what keeps us up at night, it's what we are biting our nails on, it's what we are numbing with that tub of ice cream, or bottle of wine.
Until we hold hands with our fears, and listen to what it has to say - we can never truly be free to choose ourselves.
What is it that you are afraid of?
Are you being honest with yourself?
Are you willing to entertain the 'worst possible scenario' that your mind can project?
Please share this article if you feel inclined to do so and reach out to me HERE!