Relationships Suck....without this

Would you give someone something of yours that is incredibly valuable to physically hold and carry if you knew they weren’t strong, cautious and capable to do so?

I’m guessing not?

Or perhaps you would give them a chance one time If they said they could hold and carry something - but what happens when they drop it? Oops.

It’s ok....they tried and now you know - so you won’t do that again, right?

Do you do the same with wanting someone to hold and carry the most valuable parts of you? Are you in relationship with people who aren’t capable of holding the most intimate space for you that you need held?

What does it feel like to be vulnerable and share your authentic feelings with those people when they can’t hear you? or perhaps it feels as if they throw it back in your face, or they take your expression of your emotions personally, assuming that you are blaming/shaming them? Truth is, most of us are incapable of truly hearing another's emotions without internalizing it on some level. I don't care how much work one has done internally, it's human nature to, at the minimum, for just a moment go to that place where we are triggered by what the other person is expressing and when we are triggered we are no longer conscious.

So what does one do when they are desiring to connect from a deeper and more authentic place?

What does it feel like when you give your partner, friend, parent a piece of you....and they aren’t able to hold it with compassion and really see you?

It hurts right?

What does it feel like when another is sharing their feelings with you and you have a hard time holding space for their expression, truly trying to hear them but end up going into defense mode?

It sucks right?

There is an easy and a hard solution to this. The easy solution is to heal of course. What does that mean right? The first step is to ask yourself this question when you are on the receiving end and may be getting triggered (even just a bit lol):

"What am I afraid to believe or see about myself if what this person is saying is true?"

"What am I trying to defend about myself that I am afraid to look at within me?"

Relationships are tricky, I certainly do not have them mastered but these are a few questions I will ponder.

On the other side of the coin, to not be heard and not be seen in our own expression hurts and it will stifle a relationship quicker than most anything else.

Over the years I've had to realize that there were certain people in my life, that no matter how hard I wished, wanted and hoped that it could be just wasn't going to be.

Once I realized, and really embodied that I was worth being seen, being heard and that my expression of who I am is valid I had to shift some of my relationships.

Coming to this realization allowed me to come to the truth that not everyone gets all of me. People have to earn certain parts of me. Why would I throw pearls to swine when the swine won't appreciate the pearls? Why would I bring my most valuable parts of myself to someone if they aren't capable to see, hear and hold them?

It wasn’t always like that for me....for many years I would give most people in my life all parts of myself. If they weren’t able to show up for me the way I wanted, I would get upset at that person for not being the husband, parent or friend that I thought they ‘should’ be.

Over the last 6/7 years as I’ve delved into myself in a deeper way....engaging with my own shadow, inner child, emotional integration work, my astrology and human design I’ve realized that I first must be able to open space within myself for me.... to hold my most intimate and valuable parts of myself. In doing that, I’ve cultivated beautiful and authentic friendships and relationships and I never thought it was truly possible to deeply and authentically be seen and acknowledged for just being me.

"The journey of acceptance, relationship and love starts with ourselves. "

Some people in our lives just aren’t capable of holding the kind of space for us that we need.

It doesn’t mean they are bad....just don’t give them more they they can hold and carry for you. Until they are able to build up emotional strength and capacity (if they choose to and want that) it will be a journey of frustration, sadness and hurt....for both people.

It takes a lot of work to have authentic relationships, and both people must share the same values for it to be true.

You are worth knowing are worth connecting with yourself - and if you want authentic connections it’s imperative that you do the work, as there is no other way around it.

Love Erin 💙

P.S Knowing yourself is the most important part of self expression and having authentic relationships. Astrology & Human Design readings available and you can learn more HERE.

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