Imagine what it would be like to grow up with a parent who has BPD?
I recently had an amazing conversation with Rosemary Clark - an incredible parenting coach where she shared her experience of growing up with a mother who had Borderline Personality Disorder which is the female equivalent to narcissism. She had no idea who she was growing up because being a child of a borderline parent means that in order to meet the core need of safety for herself, her identity had to be enmeshed with her mothers.
As children we do what we need to do to meet our core needs of belonging, love, safety, connection and we do it however we need to do it in that time - however as we become an adult these behavior patterns we have learned as a child often do not work anymore.
When Rosemary became a parent ALL of her insecurities bubbled up to the surface, and she knew she had two choices:
1) to replay the patterns of her own childhood or
2) to learn new ways of relating to herself and to her children.
She chose #2 and is now helping other parents do the same thing.
I invite you to listen in (you will find the video below) and share this video and blog with anyone who may find value in it!
Life doesn't have to be a battleground...it IS a playground of possibility WHEN we choose to acknowledge and heal ourselves. This is where self sabotage and discord is transmuted into self mastery and deep connection.
So the question is: How do we become the parent that we desire to be?
I hear this from a lot of mama's out there and I believe in the deepest of my BEing that if you are a mom...you would do ANYTHING for your kids! Right?!
Here's the thing...the things that you THINK you need to do to become a better mom like spending more time with them, making them healthier food, creating more of a schedule for them and everything else that is external to you and them is all GREAT....AND if you don't take this 1 core step - the rest of it doesn't matter.
What is this 1 core step you ask?
It's learning to reparent yourself.
Yep, this is about you learning how to parent yourself before you can parent another.
Our own childhood most often holds the keys to how we show up in our own parenting journey...and until we are able to acknowledge and heal the story of our own childhood, it won't be possible to cultivate the kind of connection that you want with your child.
-What was your childhood like?
-Did you feel loved?
-Did you feel cared for?
-Did you feel accepted for who you were or was it based upon behavior?
-Did you ever experience 'love withdrawl' from your parents? (timeouts, a parent emotionally pulling away from you because of something that they were unhappy about or until you 'changed your behavior'?