Updated: Feb 2, 2021
The path to healing and allowing ourselves the richness and beauty of truly feeling alive is about incorporating all of the disembodied, fragmented pieces of ourselves.
I had an experience the other morning where I woke up and started crying....I didn't feel sad or melancholy but as I allowed the tears to well up within me and release from me I had an image of myself when I was around 10-12 years old. I can still see her so clearly....
I knew that it wasn't my adult self that needed to express this emotion but it was this little girl that was within me but was not an integrated part of myself. What I knew to do was to start writing and I was in a place where my body and mind was able to open up and create space for her to come through without my adult self becoming attached to the experience. I wrote what she needed to communicate to me and I allowed it to pour through my BEing, out of my fingertips and onto the paper.
This part of myself, this little girl that had never felt seen and heard, never felt good enough in her own naturalness in that time of her life, was clearly coming through me now to give my adult self the opportunity to witness her presence and acknowledge her needs.
I was able to communicate with her to see what she needed from me and thanked her for trusting me enough to come through and be there for her.
I finally asked her if she was ready to come home and she said Yes....
It was a very powerful experience to have and I am incredibly grateful that she trusted me enough to allow me the opportunity to hold space for her.
I've worked with myself and my clients for a few years now with inner child healing and reclaiming the pieces of ourselves that are needing to be acknowledged, witnessed, seen and heard, but this time, my experience was so different and profound. She came to me without any prompting, I wasn't in a session with my coach, I wasn't in meditation, etc.
The aspects of ourselves (some call them the shadow, etc) that we have pushed away and negated, or other people in our life have pushed away are always wanting to come out to play. They show up in our lives at different times and with different people. You will recognize the clues when the stories start to play out in your mind.
Do you always feel the worst is going to happen....especially if something good happens?
Do you put walls up with people because you feel they may hurt you or you expect them to hurt you, abandon you, reject you?
Are you careful not to get 'too close' to people?
Do you sabotage yourself?
Do you have trust issues?
These things and more are clues that there are pieces of you that are needing to come back home....to be integrated within you.
We have developed beliefs around the situations that caused us pain and sadness so that we can make sense of what happened....these beliefs and stories have kept us safe and feeling protected....but they don't anymore.
All of these diagnoses of multiple personality, bipolar, depression, etc. is a way to make sense of how our psyche has been fragmented. It's time we start to see that we do not have 'mental problems', and nothing is wrong with us. We have just created stories to help us survive.....and it's time that we move past surviving to truly living.
The only way to do this is to bring all of the parts of ourselves home....
Have you experienced this for yourself? How has this impacted your life?